BUNDLE OF CONTRADICTIONS

The manifestations of a sinner
wednesday, january 14 ,2009 ,11:03 IST
Myself anonymous ,
in some honest confessions ,to myself and the world .
Well to begin with , i am the biggest mess the god might have ever created .

I never stop thinking even when i am sleeping .....my thoughts come to me as apparitions and
phantoms.
I am torn in a strife between mercy and mercilessness.
I am equally in love and equally not in love .I am befuddled as to whether infidelity is a better solution over loyality .
I want to live in the moment but i brood over the past .I hate but i dont hate at the same time.
What am i ??????

I have stayed sleepless over years altogether over heavy doses of caffeine which managed to salvage me for quite some time.And i spent those years in eternal ruminations ...that what ought to be correct and what not .I was troubled over a millions of questions and i still am ....like.....

Why is that i have stopped enjoying the smallest things of my life .
Why is that my heartbeats dont get faster with the smell of the parched soil drenched in rain ??????
Why is that even if i have the softest bed on the earth i can't manage to sleep the way i used to huddled against my mother's belly??????
Why is that during the summers the arrival of the cuckoo passes without a notice??????
Why is that even if i have the best clothes i feel as if something were missing??????
Why is that , the colors which used to fill me with exitement seemed to have faded into black and white
Why is that the exoticness of my desires have started to show their failures ??????
Why is that i dont feel the touch ..nor the frangrance ....of what has meant to be everything in my life
......surprisingly??????
Suddenly my outsides have started looking beautiful ..... BUT my inside is dead .
SILENCE ...What are you thinking .Are you also going through the same delirium .
My endless searches for the truth have revealed nothing .....except
I have been offering myself to ignorances.
I decided to run towards the darker end even when light was there at the other.Who killed me??????Myself
In the short run of my life i have looked at everything outside except my innerself.
The sight of the glitter of a rich kid's earrings filled me with the desire of possessing it .
I have hated walking .I have loathed illiteracy and poverty .
All my life i have lived being petrified of the unknown .
I have been constantly running away from something that was never chasing me.
Consequences .....A relentless fight "for god knows what ".The frailing ,never-ending road to perdition.
Could i have saved myself ....
For someone who still stands a chance of survival .....All the glory defined and redefined over the ages is nothing but a falsification of the ultimate truth .The truth is nothing but you .
Dont fix your eyes so much on your neighbour's BMW that you miss out the joy of sipping a cup of coffee with loved one.
Dont be so much oblivious that you fail to notice the exiquisite colors on the wings of a butterfly.
See the beauty of the undulating road that gives you the feeling of weightfullness and weightlessness and not the beautiful palaces that pass by.
Try to feel the words of a person, not his voice.
Dont make the mistakes i have made .
I know and we all know that we have to survive.Both you and me need a roof to cover the few inches of our skin ,that we need to nibble a few grains of
food to survive our falling bods.Survival is a must.Indeed.
But save thy soul first .Live as you have never lived.Die as if you have lived it all .Life is calling.......:):)


Ah, rend not my heart for naming of my Christ!
Yet will I call on him: O spare me, Lucifer!—
Where is it now? ’Tis gone; and see where God
Stretcheth out his arm, and bends his ireful brows!
Mountain and hills come, come and fall on me,
And hide me from the heavy wrath of God!

No! no!

Then will I headlong run into the earth;
Earth gape! O no, it will not harbour me!
You stars that reign’d at my nativity,
Whose influence hath alloted death and hell,
Now draw up Faustus like a foggy mist
Into the entrails of yon labouring clouds,
That when they vomit forth into the air,
My limbs may issue from their smoky mouths,
So that my soul may but ascend to Heaven. The watch strikes [the half hour].

Ah, half the hour is past! ’Twill all be past anon!

O God!