VOYEUR

No i am certainly not here to beg approval or brook dismissal ...i am not even concerned that people come across my blog or not ,this is not for advertising how well i write or how many positive and encouraging comments i elicit,this is just a surge of billowing thoughts i coudnt keep to myself ,that i find it hard to express because people just dont want to know the reality ,coz it harsh and they try to elude it ,but how far can you run from its clutches before you succumb .

That now i am blogging not to vent my innate desires ,neither focus on some moot issue nor preparing for a B-SCHOOL interview ,it is just coming along ,without any particular cause.

That people often shun the fact that they are not alone ,that their existence can be independent .Usually it happens ,it happens when you are on a high ,and you dont see anything around you ,you just see yourself .There are moments when you are alone and you realize how much you craved for someone ,may be anyone ,i am not being specific about a lover or something.

We are basically a contradiction of sorts ,we often love to do what we hate the most .Yes i do .For example i would say i dont trust men but often i just try not to do so .

There are times when we come across a rueful poem of a poet ,who is languishing because of some unfulfilled desire ,and we just dont even care to go through the first line ,you see the heading and you skip it .

I might sound like ,the glass is half empty ,but if you ruminate for a while i would rather sound like the glass is not only half full but a little empty as well ,that just helps sometimes,you dont take anything for granted .

Life takes you across so many things ,if you think you are the best ,your ass is going to hit the bottom ,and you are going to be there for quite sometime .Yeah i havnt seen something so perfect that it would sustain collapse all the time .Certain things are inevitable ,and better be prepared than to run away .

I just hate the claustrophobia .I hate less ventilated rooms ,i hate to sleep ,i hate to wear salwars . I hate myself that way .I am not a voyeurist .Few days back i purchased a book of penguin paperback ,by IAN FLEMING ,short stories of JAMES BOND.On the front cover of the book ,you will find probably one of the most seductive pictures. It is not overtly naked ,it shows the subtlety of the features of a woman .I am not even tad ashamed that i loved it .There was a topless lady on the cover smoking a cigar ,her face was clouded ,so were her vital organs ,just the curves were prominent .I declare i loved it .

Few months back i happened to watch "READER".Right from the scene one ,i smelled something different .A friend was hooked to the laptop in anaticipation ,it just wasnt making sense to her ,i mean a boy meets a lady ,his mother's age and what would happen , what could happen .Trust me it was well beyond my surmise .Though ,if you would notice the eyes of kate winslet right from the beginning ,you would definitely not find any tint of motherly love or something .Her eyes were those of a woman , who wanted to love ,but no man came across , a woman who in her prime might have wanted to loose her virginity under a sheet of bedsheet but couldnt .I am woman , i can tell you how incomplete i feel without a man in my life .Whatever .Somewhere i saw that ,the movie had a rating for being one of the most unseductive but voyeuristic kind stacked against a few low-budget ,anti-classics.

BUT TELL ME ,how is it supposed to be ??Are people supposed to shave themshelves off everytime they indulge with someone ,or is that everything is supposed to happen within linen bed-sheets ,the way you find angelina jolie and antonio banderas interwined with each other in the original scene.I bet i hated SEX after i saw them.It was like ,they were enacting every scene of kamasutra one by one .Yes top ,bottom ,left ,right.What the hell......Are we trying to deceive people who havnt had a sexual intercouse that look it is a systematic procedure ,one act comes after another ,or shunning off people who already had had it .Why cant we see it RAW ,just the way it is ,that it is what it is irrespective of caste ,religion ,age or anything ,that nothing basically matters ,that there is no point in systematizing what is so much beyond our understanding .

To me ,as i reinforce my point everyone is a contradiction of sorts ,we love everything halfbaked .A close conversation with a friend revealed that he loved the means to an end ,he didnt love the end ,yeah we love to strip but we dont love to see the naked self .

I would say either you peel off the entire orange or just leave it unscathed ,unpeeled , because reality is harsh and half -reality is of no use.